ATTENTION//TENSION
"Either attention or motivation -- the drive that impels you toward a goal - can jump start flow, but both of these major psychological processes must converge to sustain it."
- Winnifred Gallagher, Rapt
The tension between a singular focus, and the rest of the world.
The tension between saying yes to some things, now, and all the no's.
The tension between longing and being.
Between writing and being read.
Tension is a bridge stretched between extremes, a tightrope of meaning that has had almost all its foundation stripped away. False stones and supports do not honour the essence of one's being, but I am coming to see that tension is necessary to balance, to growth, to understanding and forward movement.
"My library is an archive of longings." - Susan Sontag
Attention: that's just being aware of tension, always, in all the ways that you can. Not letting one side or the other win you over, completely, but holding the balance. Between grandiose things like light and dark, but also between the miniscule irregularities of everyday life, the pebbles you trip on, the rocks you move out of the way, the bounders you climb over, one ragged step at a time. There is no one mountain top to reach. There's a whole range, a never-ending continental traverse, a cosmic upwards path that dips and climbs, treads through puddles and glades, pulls you down and then helps you rise to magnificent viewpoints, where the air is crisp and clear and everything makes sense. That impressive vista that makes it all worth it. Your longings come home, you can breathe, and trust in that next step.
Every year - broken down into so many moments, day by day, - I learn a little more to embrace the imperfect, rebellious, creative, scattered and overwhelmed selves in me. Working towards integration is a messy process, and I am learning to be more accepting of myself. There are still so many moments of self-criticism, self-reproach, regret and even blame. No one is perfect. I want my imperfections to be beautiful, like I imagine everyone does. For my hardships to be worth it.
“The secret of it all, is to write in the gush, the throb, the flood, of the moment — to put things down without deliberation — without worrying about their style — without waiting for a fit time or place. I always worked that way. I took the first scrap of paper, the first doorstep, the first desk, and wrote — wrote, wrote…By writing at the instant the very heartbeat of life is caught.” - Walt Whitman
As much as attention is crucial to a life well-lived, to healthy relationships and success at work, I am also learning to see the benefit of letting that go at times: letting the mind and soul rest, tucking away the vigilance and self-awareness (of tension, balance, and the need to do the laundry), and dropping into a place of being. Living life one heartbeat at a time.
What does your place(s) of being look like?
With love,
Christine
The tension between a singular focus, and the rest of the world.
The tension between saying yes to some things, now, and all the no's.
The tension between longing and being.
Between writing and being read.
Tension is a bridge stretched between extremes, a tightrope of meaning that has had almost all its foundation stripped away. False stones and supports do not honour the essence of one's being, but I am coming to see that tension is necessary to balance, to growth, to understanding and forward movement.
"My library is an archive of longings." - Susan Sontag
Attention: that's just being aware of tension, always, in all the ways that you can. Not letting one side or the other win you over, completely, but holding the balance. Between grandiose things like light and dark, but also between the miniscule irregularities of everyday life, the pebbles you trip on, the rocks you move out of the way, the bounders you climb over, one ragged step at a time. There is no one mountain top to reach. There's a whole range, a never-ending continental traverse, a cosmic upwards path that dips and climbs, treads through puddles and glades, pulls you down and then helps you rise to magnificent viewpoints, where the air is crisp and clear and everything makes sense. That impressive vista that makes it all worth it. Your longings come home, you can breathe, and trust in that next step.
Every year - broken down into so many moments, day by day, - I learn a little more to embrace the imperfect, rebellious, creative, scattered and overwhelmed selves in me. Working towards integration is a messy process, and I am learning to be more accepting of myself. There are still so many moments of self-criticism, self-reproach, regret and even blame. No one is perfect. I want my imperfections to be beautiful, like I imagine everyone does. For my hardships to be worth it.
“The secret of it all, is to write in the gush, the throb, the flood, of the moment — to put things down without deliberation — without worrying about their style — without waiting for a fit time or place. I always worked that way. I took the first scrap of paper, the first doorstep, the first desk, and wrote — wrote, wrote…By writing at the instant the very heartbeat of life is caught.” - Walt Whitman
As much as attention is crucial to a life well-lived, to healthy relationships and success at work, I am also learning to see the benefit of letting that go at times: letting the mind and soul rest, tucking away the vigilance and self-awareness (of tension, balance, and the need to do the laundry), and dropping into a place of being. Living life one heartbeat at a time.
What does your place(s) of being look like?
With love,
Christine
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