Content//CONTENT

Hello from Strasbourg, France

This post title, along with the words below, has been sitting in my drafts folder for a long while now, and seeing as it's January, it's almost a new moon, and the year feels full of possibility, I've decided to revive the blog, starting with this unfinished post.

"Create a new to-do list. Create no to-do lists. Create a DO NOT DO list, lol."

I love the wild card aspect of a new year, where you can wish and plan as much as you want (or not), but the reality is you have no idea what is going to happen.

So as I've unhooked myself from life in the Kootenays of British Columbia and now find myself a rambler with too few socks and LOTS of time to think - there are my thoughts about the mixed meanings of the word "content". 

On the one had, conTENT as in happy, doing okay, comfortable, relaxed, at peace. etc. (What does it mean for you?) 

On the other, CONtent as in, what is produced, taken in, whether words or sounds or what you find in your purse at the end of the day. These days, of course, it's a lot about what kind of content you are putting out into the online world.

And I definitely don't feel content about it.

As someone who is beginning to relate to many ADHD symptoms (or is it perimenopause? stress and nervous system dysregulation? all of the above most likely...) without a formal diagnosis - one of the main feelings I have about the amount of content out there to be consumed is overwhelm. It's a lot to process. And a lot of it is really good, useful, content that helps me to feel less alone in the world, informs me, expands my mind or just gives me a good laugh. All important and valuable. 

I guess for me it's been a process of noticing how much content I can take in - online as well as tangible forms such as reading, work-related meetings, and even just socializing (though this is usually more connective for me and not as hard) - before the balance tips and I no longer feel centered - and centered, for me, is a version of feeling content. Grounded, capable, able to respond from my true self. Some weeks, my inboxes (both work and personal) feel like too much - too many words, too many ads - too many new courses that I can't afford but feel, perhaps, I should be taking to grow professionally, creatively, spiritually... 

Of course my own work has an element of putting out content, with a new website this past year, and the pull to market myself on social media (or even to share stories and perspectives)... even this personal blog is just one more thing, right? And communication has the potential to be so meaningful and important. And then there are all the books out there, and new ones every day. Amazing! Inspiring! And also, at the risk of repeating myself, A LOT.

And I write this as someone who used to LOVE reading encyclopedias, for fun, and still loves reading and learning and devouring random historical trivia (have spent far too long on Wikipedia some nights! lol) - obviously, what we take in can be important, mindful and nourishing as well as a waste of time.

This recent post on an Instagram page I follow captures some of what I am feeling (and I imagine others are too) - as a therapist, my feed is often dominated by psychological/fellow therapist/mental health content, and I recognize even as a practitioner that there is a point where it becomes enough, bordering on too much. 

As a human who also has lots of healing work that is ongoing, it's true for me that there is something about the digital world that feeds things to us (given that we allow it via devices, etc.) at a rate that is hard to process. 

It's in some ways exemplified by the difference between reading a book and reading with a Kindle or on my laptop or phone. Screens are generally perceived to be more draining/more work that paper, and I definitely experience this to be true (though I know they are more accessible to others). Many reels, posts and podcasts give a large amount of intense information to be taken in, thought about, and "metabolized," as this post names it. It can be a fast-paced, mind-heavy way to do work that is meant (in my opinion) to be slower, more spread out with reflection and digestion/integration time in between, giving space for the body and spirit to catch up with the quick mind.

This connects as well with the world of speed-therapy, such as Accelerated Resolution Therapy and other types that aim to help you get over your trauma, fast! As a depth therapist and someone who attaches long and hard to both enjoyable and difficult experiences, I don't think we are meant to get over things quickly, when those things impacted us severely. In hustle culture, trauma and grief and other psychological pain is seen as an obstacle, to growth, to "living your best life". I follow and respect the work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Women Who Run with the Wolves), Tricia Hersey (Rest is Resistance) and others who write about the need to slow down (in society and internally) to allow our past experiences, as well as the intense world around us, to integrate - with good boundaries, of course.

Many in the therapy world are now content creators, and if it's useful for some, that is a wonderful thing. I think that what comes with this age of information from so many sources and through so many mediums, for those seeking healing as well as lighter aspects such as distraction and enrichment - it comes down to having good filters in place; boundaries that help you to realize when it's enough, and how to connect in other ways so the the intake of content is balanced out. 

Maybe this looks like taking up a creative practice to share a bit of yourself, rather than being only on  the "intake" side, or tending a few plants, or taking a daily or weekly walk in a natural space near your home. Maybe it's more about resting, unplugging, and slowing down in other small ways, such as walking instead of driving somewhere (if you can), allowing yourself time and space to "do nothing," and being more conscious of when and why you are rushing. A lot can arise in this slow space - including things we'd rather not think about and rather not feel - and so of course, it makes sense that we will keep busy and move fast to avoid them. Small steps go a long way!

Creativity can be fairly simple - a couple basic tools and an hour of time 💖

And maybe what needs to happen is a fuller, deeper engagement with the world, in the ways that you feel capable, in real time - volunteering, taking in music or other cultural events, spending time learning a new skill (in person!) There is something about sharing time and space with other humans that is irreplaceable, even when time behind a screen or a book can be satisfying and enough in itself. 

So, though January doesn't bring a wave of "to-do's" for me anymore, I am reflecting on how I engage with the world, what I allow "in", what my boundaries are, and how I would like to show up - especially at a time of growing fascism, devastation of social supports and fear - in a way that contributes to the world beyond myself and my own needs - so that being content (and of course, safe, and at peace) is something within reach - at least some of the time - for everyone.

photo by Darren Murray

This picture (also in my original draft, for no clear reason) makes me think of a walk I took ages ago in Slane, Ireland. It was late winter 2000 and I had been living in Dublin for a few months on a co-op work exchange program. I took a bus out to see Slane Castle, and had a lovely day walking in the sun, meeting local children, walking through a magical moss-and-ivy forest that felt like this one (I get chills just thinking of it). Near the end of the day, I was having a pint in a local pub, watching Canadian curling on the tiny TV and had an old man next to me tell me that he was sure I had a Dublin accent (peak life moment!!). 

Then, while waiting for the bus, I decided to go to the corner store for a sweet, and in those 5 minutes, I missed the bus. No worries - I was 20 and adventurous/a bit foolish, and so I stuck out my thumb and promptly got a lift from a guy whose name I don't remember (but whose car I do - it was messy!), and we shared a fag for the short drive into the city. I felt like a successful traveller and a local that day, and something about it has always made me want to return to Slane (hopefully in a few months, I will!)

Thanks for reading this week's rambles - I am not sure I'll write on a schedule here, but am grasping the opportunity to put out some content, in the midst of all the intake, and share reflections and content with others. Would love to hear your perspective, and wishing you health and growth in this wild world.