ICI//ASSEZ

Hello from Active Pass (between Victoria and Vancouver) on a gorgeous spring morning 🌞

from the ferry

It's been way too long since my last post - and though I intended to share photos and reflections from my travels more regularly, there was also something really enjoyable about just being in the experiences without thinking about making a post. 

Since I last wrote, I've been pet-sitting in Northern England; travelling by train to new places in the UK, catching up with an old friend in the Czech Republic, meeting up after 19 years (!!!) with friends in Innsbruck, and then back to London for a wonderful week-long stay with other friends.

Long Meg and her Daughters stone circle, near Penrith, UK

Maryport, UK

In some ways it's been a whirlwind, and in some ways it has felt really comfortable - stabilizing even - and like I am connecting with myself in new ways. Recognizing an inner spark that I was worried had disappeared, that I can trust is there een with all the changes.

As I continue to explore life "in-between," what has been serving as a guiding light of sorts is a phrase that I happened upon by chance at last year's Tiny Lights Festival in Ymir, BC. I arrived late, somewhat anxious about attending alone at a time when I was feeling already unsettled, and had a sad interaction with someone I thought was a friend. I decided to leave the festival after this, but before I did, I caught the first song by Cara Luft - an artist I have known and loved for many years. What she said as the preamble to her song is what has stuck with me all these months later:

"Everyone always talks about how when one door closes, another one opens. But no one talks about how long the hallway between the doors can be."

I felt instantly the kind of clarity and validation that can come out of nowhere, when you least expect it. I'm in the hallway! And it's a long one. Thank you for that, Cara :)

This kind of in-between space or time - when you know change is needed but haven't yet found the next solid thing - is written about in all kinds of philosophical, spiritual and psychological works. This is the liminal space that marks huge life transitions, including deaths, and usually comes with a lot of grieving and disorienting inner work before clarity can be reached. It's a "one step at a time" space that can be scary and feel endless. A huge test of inner resources like trust, faith and courage.

Eastern Czechia, mid-March snow!

Innsbruck, Austria

One of the places of inner challenge for me during this time is a theme that has come up over and over (and I'm sure is not finished with me) - the in-between place that comes with noticing on a deeper level, what is "enough." Now that I have in many ways un-hooked from my everyday life, and given myself the opportunity to explore, travel solo, and consider my next steps - what does "enough" actually feel like? When I get really present with myself and my surroundings, what feelings come up? What can I identify as a need, and what beliefs do I have about myself and the world? Some of this may very well need fine-tuning.

Travelling though many different landscapes, especially alone - listening to other languages, having fewer people to communicate with even though you are surrounded by thousands: it's an experience of inundation, of overwhelm, and then, in my experience, one of finding your centre, a place of inner peace, the true voice that comes through amidst busy train stations and crowded streets. 

(Or it may not - and then recognizing it's going to take more work to deal with the overwhelm and figure out what you need to feel grounded, even with so much movement and exterior stimulation).

London pubs are the best!

Tower Bridge, London

It's obviously an ongoing process, and one that I feel really grateful to have had, and to be present within. So many questions still remain, and some days I feel full to the point of saturation with thoughts and feelings about the world; there is so much yet to learn, and contribute, especially in the face of toxic dictatorships, xenophobia and misogyny, genocide and lies on a massive and heart-breaking scale.

For me, so far, it's been a path of learning to be present with myself, honest with where I am at, and able to identify what "enough" feels like - both as a boundary for what I can tolerate, and as a state of inner satisfaction, a willingness to say either "I need more," and take action towards getting that need met, or "This is too much," and figure out how to manage what is coming in. 

And then there is the sweet spot - the upside of the in-between - in that sometimes-long hallway between doors of opportunity, where I can pause and be grateful for what is and for what I have, even if it's not the end goal or the ideal. Accepting that a lot of the *hit in the world is out of my hands, and figuring out where I can be of service. Taking the next step that feels right, with whatever measure of trust I can.

And sometimes  that can be enough.

(Blurring the lines a little between my personal/travel blog and my professional one, En Vie, where I intend to focus on therapy and psychology-adjacent topics. But of course sometimes these things overlap :)