the need for exploration

Window at Dots and Loops, Lunenburg,  2012.

"In any one area of your life that you want to change, there's one fact that you need to know, just one. You are never going to feel like it. Ever. No one's coming, motivation isn't happening, you're never going to feel like it. Scientists call it activation energy, that's what they call the force required to get you to change from what you're doing on autopilot, to do something new...It's simple to get what you want, but it's not easy. You have to force yourself...When you feel stuck or dissatisfied in your life, it's a signal. It's not a signal that your life is broken. It's a signal that one of your most basic needs is not being met -- your need for exploration. Your soul needs exploration and wants to grow and the only way you'll get it is by forcing yourself to be uncomfortable."

 - Mel Robbins

It is a wild calling

that lifts you out of bed in the morning

caring not (no, not really) for

the cereal and milk that need to be poured,

the rush, the cleaning,

not even for more sleep.

It's a need to be heard,

to dig deeper today than you did yesterday,

to find something

not earn something

or make something

not necessarily,

though it's nice to have

something to hold 

in your hand

when it's all over, 

this one day.

The sun shines, and though you hate it,

you smile into it because that's what we do,

at the end of winter.

Limbs move,

the mind churns,

it almost feels normal

to have an equal rumbling in the belly,

a near-eruption form your 

absolute core,

on constant alert.

If you have ever wished to be shaken up,

ever before been bored with your life,

you are laughing now, 

almost.

Eat, drink coffee, it feels better

for a time.

Exponentially so, if shared with another body or two.

The dishes call to you, but not as loudly as

one dear, small person who wants to

write stories with you, 

and so you invent other worlds

for her

until the sun goes down.

Then it's quiet and dark.

The wildness

lets go and tucks you in,

daring you to be ready

for the next one.